


Until Further Notice

by holbywolfe



Category: Holby City
Genre: Angst, Elinor lives although not mentioned, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Sick Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-14
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:18:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/holbywolfe/pseuds/holbywolfe
Summary: Or the three times Bernie notices something about Serena and the one time she really notices it. BECAUSE I CANT DRAG THIS OUT TO FIVE TIMES





	Until Further Notice

**Author's Note:**

> I know it’s such an angsty and horrible idea but I’ve been thinking about since last year and I think I’ve finally in the mindset to write it now. TW for cancer scares

The first time Bernie notices is when her and Serena are getting dressed one morning, they aren’t due at work for another few hours, so they leisurely take the time to pick out clothes and put them on. She is halfway through zipping up her jeans when she notices Serena still standing in her bra, adjusting the cups and trying to scoop her breasts in to sit comfortably.

She notices Bernie looking at her inquisitively, and flails her arms about, frustrated.

“I swear this one was not this big before!” she huffs, unhooking her bra and opting for a sports bra. She flings the bra at Bernie, who catches it and in turn flings it into their washing basket, making a noise of triumph when it lands perfectly in first shot. 

She doesn’t take any notice of it at the time, thinks Serena’s bra must have shrunk in the wash or it’s something to do with menopause. When she looks at Serena with concern written all over her face, Serena does the same and brushes it off as _“bloody hormones.”_

They have breakfast like every other morning; Jason telling them about a documentary he watched last night when _“You two were busy upstairs”._ They go to work like every other day, end up saving a boy the same age as Cameron who was the unfortunate party in an RTC. Serena worries that this case may hit a little too close to home for Bernie, having had her son in a similar but much more fortunate position only a year earlier. When they get home, Jason has already cooked dinner for them, turns out one of the other porters had told him that his aunts had had a bad day, and suggested he do something nice. _Gossip isn’t all bad_ Serena thinks as she sits down at the table across from her nephew, next to her girlfriend, ready to tuck in to a roast Jason has somehow whipped up.

They both don’t mention anything more about Serena’s bigger-than-the-other-one breast again, if anything, they both forget until the next morning when Serena has the same problem as yesterday. The only thing that changes after that (apart from her breasts) is that she starts wearing softer cupped sports bras, much to Bernie’s annoyance at the workout it is to take off in a hurry to clamber into bed together.

 

~

 

The second time Bernie notices something different about Serena’s breasts is the morning after a big night that stretched into the early hours of the morning. She wakes Serena with kisses to her nose and cheeks, moving along her jaw and down her neck. As soon as she’s conscious enough, Serena captures her mouth and they kiss languidly, savouring the time before they have to face the day. Serena moves her hands to Bernie’s torso, running her fingers up and down and swallowing Bernie’s moans. When Bernie starts kissing her neck again, she notices one of Serena’s nipples is redder than the other. _Is that the bigger one?_ She once again brushes it off as battle wounds from her teeth the previous night (and morning), and continues to kiss down Serena’s body to wake up with morning kisses to a different sort of lips.

She doesn’t really think about it again, doesn’t mention it to Serena and doesn’t think Serena even notices, the only indication she might have is when Bernie sees her take extra care putting her bra on.

 

 ~

 

The third time, Bernie actually starts to worry. She sees Serena wince as she puts on her bra, sees the small amount of discharge on one of the cup of her bra as she puts them into the wash. When she brings it up with Serena, a sliver of worry flashes over her face before she blames it on hormones again. They both know the signs and symptoms of _it_ , and Bernie loves this woman too much to let something happen to her.

 

“I’m not letting this go, Serena,” Bernie says as she storms into the bedroom, holding up the aforementioned item of clothing. “Look at it, it’s right where your nipple is, which have you noticed is irritated, and you keep wincing when you get dressed or undressed, Serena you know what this looks like!”

“Leave it Bernie,” Serena sneers, walking past Bernie and out the door, leaving the blonde teary and worried.

But Bernie isn’t going to leave it, Jason has told her how his mother died. _Family history_. Bernie goes after her, tries to reason, tries to make Serena see sense.

 After arguments and apologies and promises Bernie knows Serena won’t keep they fall into bed together, Bernie taking the opportunity to kiss Serena’s normal breast while her hand kneads the other one. She hopes Serena wont realise what she is doing, wont realise that she has abruptly stopped kissing her breast because…

“Fuck, Serena wait” the words tumble out of Bernie’s mouth before she can stop them, and Serena looks up at her with worry and horror on her face.  Bernie frantically moves her palm around Serena’s left breast, feeling around the swell before moving slightly to the side.

“Serena,” she whispers, blinking wildly to hide the tears forming in her eyes. “Feel it, Serena.” Serena swats Bernie’s hand away leaving the blonde to sit up and cover her face in her hands.

“Oh god,” the brunette mumbles, “My sister, oh god Bernie.” Serena takes a shuddery breath and reaches for her phone with shaking hands.

 

~

 

Before Serena is even awake the next day, Bernie has scheduled a mammogram for later that morning. She draws upon her admittedly limited cookery skills and makes French toast, takes it up to Serena with a coffee and a kiss.

“You’ve got an appointment at a private clinic at eleven,” she says, and Serena hums gratefully into the coffee.

“I bet you went all _‘I’m an ex-army Major if you don’t get my girlfriend an appointment now it won’t be pretty’,_ didn’t you,” Serena says, trying to lighten the mood. Bernie chuckles and walks into the en-suite to have a shower, instructing Serena to pick out an outfit for her that screams _‘I’m her ex-army Major girlfriend you better let me in the fucking room’_.

She comes back into the bedroom to find Serena dressed, and a flannel shirt and black skinny jeans laid out on the bed. She laughs and rolls her eyes at the stereotype, to which Serena gives her best sarcastic beaming smile.

Bernie drives, decides Serena’s nervous necklace fiddling and a car are not to be mixed. At every traffic light or stop, she reaches over and gives Serena’s thigh a squeeze. As a doctor, and as a logical person Bernie knows that she cannot tell Serena that ‘Everything will be okay’ because there’s a high chance it will not be. When they park in the carpark of the private hospital, Bernie looks over at her and tries to convey everything reassuring she can think of, in the end opts to lean over and press a kiss to her lips. She gets out and walks round to Serena’s side of the car, opening the door to find the brunette staring blankly ahead of her, her fingers of her right hand twirling the charm on her necklace. Bernie reaches over and unbuckles her seatbelt, then clasps her hand and tugs it slightly.

“Come on, we’ll be late” she says, and Serena glares at her for a moment before pulling herself together and getting out of the car, never letting go of Bernie’s hand. The receptionist is too cheery, and Serena goes straight to sit in a chair as Bernie books her in. Within minutes, a young nurse comes out and calls her name. Serena looks over at Bernie and they both stand, walking over to the nurse. She hesitates for a moment when Bernie stays by Serena’s side, but directs them to a room at the end of the corridor.

Bernie sits in a chair near the door while Serena lies on the bed, the oncologist gently feeling in a clock-like motion around her breast tissue.

“Run me through the symptoms again?” he says to Serena, but she nods to Bernie, indicating she should answer.

“Oh, she noticed some swelling, I noticed her left nipple looked red and irritated, then I noticed she was in pain when she was getting in and out of a bra, and there was some discharge on the inside of her bras when I was washing them, then last night I noticed the lump” Bernie informs him, earning a nod. 

“Once we get the results of the mammogram back we’ll know for sure what it is, but you were right to come in, there’s definitely something there” he says, walking over his desk and leaving Serena to pull her shirt back down. She hops off the bed and goes and sits next to Bernie, reaching out to hold her hand between hers. Only then does Bernie notice her bleary eyes and wobbling bottom lip. She squeezes her hands tighter, and leans over to place a chaste kiss on her lips. They sit looking at each other until the door clicks open and they both look towards a radiologist holding a large yellow envelope. He moves to hold it up to hold it in front of the light board, and points to the images.

“From this, it looks benign, but if you want a biopsy can be taken to be sure,” he says, and both women let out a shaky breath. _Benign._ Bernie looks over at Serena and places a kiss on her cheek, then places a kiss on her shoulder and rests her head there for a moment. _I could have lost her_ she allows herself to think, but then remembers that she hasn’t, that Serena will have to put up with her shocking cooking and messy living habits for a long while yet.

 

Bernie takes her out for lunch, to a little café on the outskirts of town where they do lovely pastries.

“I’ve had a big day, I’m allowed confectionary for lunch,” Serena says, and Bernie laughs her honking laugh, some of the couples near them looking around to find the source of the sound.

 

She takes her home and lifts her onto the kitchen counter, kissing her with force. Until Jason walks in to get some juice from the fridge to find his aunties ravishing each other.

 


End file.
